By Definition: Overqualified
Being a stay-at-home parent means a lot of responsibilities are on one parent. It's more than just the simple tasks in and outside of the home. I mean it'd be nice to get an award for finishing 4 loads of laundry and putting them away, but unfortunately no one notices until they can't find their favorite shirt, lucky socks, or that one sweater grandma bought for Christmas 2 years ago. All jokes aside, we also nurture, mentor, teach, guide, stimulate, create, decompress, and pour into the minds of our children. Why? For one, it's financially plausible thanks to the price of childcare. Two, kids need role models and support to build positive relationships, in order to develop age- appropriate ways. And for three, we build character and teach boundaries. Stay at home parents have one of the most important jobs.
I only became a stay-at-home parent after Julius and I had our first child in 2022. My second to oldest son, Ahmari, is 7 years old and I hadn't realized how much childcare costs had ascended within those years. It made sense that I'd stay home with August after he was born. Besides, at the time, I was in my junior year of college, and I needed to focus more on my studies. After a few months I got bored of being at home. I love my kids, but there was only so much ABC's and 123's I could take in a day. So my husband, being the supportive man he is, switches roles with me. I got a Teaching Assistant job at a High School and he stayed home with the baby while I worked. My mother also agreed to help us with August until we transitioned into our shifted roles. Luckily, his job is flexible, so he was able to work around my schedule and still made enough money to cover all the bills. Anytime our schedules overlapped, my mother would willing help us out with childcare. And let's be real, I am not ashamed to admit that my job was solely to protect my sanity and peace of mind.
I enjoyed being out of the house and getting a chance to miss my family. Just having adult conversations seemed like a luxury. I also looked forward to spending the weekends with my family more. I am not sure why, but going grocery shopping and doing chores, didn't seem so overwhelming when I worked a job. I stayed at the job for a while and eventually put August in KinderCare. I was able to help out with the costs of our wedding and put the kids in after school sports. I loved it! I finished the school year off at the High School, then during the summer of 2023 I had AJ and returned to work late August. Our original plan was to have both the babies in KinderCare when I returned back to work. However, due to the circumstances with AJ, I knew that when he left the NICU, I'd be home again. My husband and I had a long talk and ultimately that's what it came down too. So, I left my job, indefinitely, but I kept August in KinderCare. He is getting older and it's good for him to be around kids his age with mutual interests.
Staying at home has its challenges. I don't think it's as easy for parents as outsiders assume. Some days, it is mentally and physically draining, and studies show depression and anxiety is higher for parents that stay at home (Duncan, 2022). In our household, it's not really the older boys that give us a hard time. It's the younger two, August and AJ. We always joke how they are yin and yang. One stops crying and the other starts. AJ is sleep and August is up. Complete polar opposites, but similar personalities. They have the same cry, same attitude, same attention span, and the same crave to get what they want, when they want it. Safe to say they take after their mother.
I say this to say, whether or not things are going the way you expected in your life, what you put into your everyday life, matters. When I was working the Teaching Assistant position, I realized I had an important role. In fact, it was the same role I had with being a stay-at-home mom.
I was working with children who have dealt/are dealing with trauma. Children in foster care, addicted to drugs or a drug addicted parent, experienced sexual assault or abuse, children that came to school just to eat the free meals because there was no food at home. Kids, just looking for guidance. Kids, that never asked to be here. Kids, that never got a chance. And not because they didn't want those things, but because they had no positive role models in their lives to look up to. The job taught me how to master patience, forgiveness, compassion, and understanding even for the things not meant for me to understand. In a way, I felt like I was a mother figure or a friend, or even that aunt that just wants to show you how worth it you are. I think about that job a lot. Wonder how the kids are and if they made it to graduation. I wonder if their home life has improved... if they view the world differently.
I have a different appreciation for being a stay-at-home parent now. More gratitude and mercy for the little brains I am developing. I think it shouldn't matter if you're home full-time, working, absent, hell if you're here nor there, one thing you should remember is to be yourself. When something is bothering me, I vent. If something is not for me, I leave. If there is a lesson to be taught, I teach it. If there is room from growth, I water it. If I have enough to give, I share it. I am talking values. Morals. Being a stay-at-home mom literally fell into my lap and as God is my witness, that position for that job, fell into my lap. Remember your values and your morals, and always stay true to yourself.
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